Only in Dreams?
by Elburn
Summary: [10th Doctor] Rose has a nightmare which leads her to question why the Doctor has given her a second chance. Can he comfort and redeem her? Mk III up.


**Only In Dreams?**

**Disclaimer and Liner notes: **As always, Aunty Beeb owns the Doctor, Jack and Rose, and all copyrights on Doctor Who. I'm just playing in their universe. This is Mark III of the story, with a few extra edits to the Doctor's dialogues, and some of Rose's thoughts. Let me know what you think. Thank you.

**ooo**

Rose's vision was fuzzy as she seemed to swim through the heavy air. She stopped every so often to rub her eyes, which did nothing to improve her sight. She was swimming - no, flying - towards a city. It was nighttime, and many lights dis-coloured the dark blue sky in a strange orange-brown hue. The city was large, larger than Rose had ever seen before, seeming to be run by machines -- no people walked the streets; maybe they were inside, Rose wondered. Its many buildings reaching skyward, getting higher and higher as she continued to fly. It was as if they were reaching for a better future than it seemed to have -- sirens echoed loudly, making Rose's head ache. The city lights dimmed and eventually, all went dark. The sirens continued to blare like those in old war movies.

Her suspicions were confirmed when strange flying crafts floated towards her. They didn't seem notice her as she curled up into a ball, holding her head. They were more intent on the city. Metal containers dropped from these strange aircraft. Explosions lit up the darkened buildings, and fires soon raged. Rose heard people crying, shouting, and children screaming, as they tried to escape this strange hell.

A flash overtook her mind, and she was no longer floating in mid-air. In fact, her feet were firmly on a metal walk-way, inside… somewhere… A building maybe? Or a spaceship? Either way, it didn't matter, since Rose couldn't see a window to look out through. She held on to the railing and peered over the side, instantly wishing she hadn't. She was a long way from the ground -- if there was one. She began to walk along the walkway -- there was a door on the other side. Perhaps if she could get to the door, she might be able to find out where she was.

Then, she heard it.

"Rose -- help!"

It was the Doctor's voice. He sounded odd, sort of strained. Rose turned around. She felt strange and light-headed. She had only taken one step when she saw another flash. She was standing, looking down at the Doctor. He was holding on to the edge of the walkway for dear life.

"Rose!" He shouted up to her. The door to her right hand side opened, and Daleks trundled through.

"Exterminate! Exterminate!"

Sirens were blazing, echoing. The Doctor was pleading with her for help. The Daleks were now chanting the one word. It was all too much. Rose's head seemed to be threatening to explode. She reached out a hand, and -- with some difficulty -- began to pull the Doctor back up on to the walkway.

"Hold on!" Rose shouted over the noise. Her grip was slipping. The Doctor was too heavy for her to handle on her own.

Another flash. The Doctor had slipped out of her grasp. He was falling, falling to his death.

"DOCTOR!" Rose screamed.

"Run!" Jack had appeared beside her, and was pulling her to her feet. "Run! It's too late!"

"But the Doctor-" she started. Jack shook his head.

"It's too late!" He repeated, holding her wrist as they ran. "Run!"

The sound of the Daleks seemed to move farther away, as if they couldn't be bothered going after Rose and Jack now that the Doctor had died. A doorway hissed close behind them as the two companions ran into the corridor.

Rose tripped over her feet and couldn't get back up.

"Rose!" Jack shouted, taking hold of her arm, and tightening his grip. Rose brushed his hand away… or tried to. His skin came away, leaving only the bare bones of his hand. She looked up into Jack's face, which was slowly melting. His voice, still exhorting her to get a move on, warning her that they were in danger, was becoming distorted and strange.

"Exterminate! Exterminate!"

They had been found! Rose tried to move, but was paralysed with fear. Jack's face had started to bleed, and his skeletal hand was tightening its grip around her arm.

"Rose!" He growled. "Ro--"

A loud bang interrupted him, and Jack's back arched, then he fell to the floor. Rose shook his shoulder, crying hysterically. He didn't respond.

"Exterminate, exteeeeeerminaaaaaate!"

The Daleks were closing in around her. One fired a shot at her, which hit her squarely in the stomach.

Then, Rose sat up in bed, hyperventilating. Her head ached. She glanced down at her belly, and ran a hand across it. Well, at least she wasn't bleeding, she thought. Looking around, she realised that she was in her room, on board the TARDIS. Jack was dead, and had been for some time. And the Doctor…

Well, the Doctor had regenerated, hadn't he?

Rose grimaced. The Doctor had given his life to save her. In essence, she had been the cause of his death. She had been the one to kill him. Yet, the Doctor had returned to her, and had even allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of her as he had lain in bed at her house, after his regeneration had gone wrong.

He had trusted her.

_"And you, Rose Tyler -- you gave up on me."_

That was a big thought to Rose. That the very Doctor who had died because of her would trust her in his next incarnation -- could she call it that, she wondered -- even with his own life.

Surely she had done nothing to merit that trust? Hadn't she been the one to betray it?

Kicking off her bedsheets, she climbed out of bed, shivering when her foot landed on the floor. She needed some tea. It was the only thing that could ease her throbbing head.

The kitchen lights had been left on, it seemed. Rose would have to remind herself to tell off the Doctor in the morning. Still, she was grateful for it, and instinct took over as she began to make the tea in an almost ritual-like fashion. It wasn't long before she was seated at the kitchen table, clutching a hot mug of tea in her hands, occasionally sipping at the boiling liquid while her mind wandered.

Her dream. Rose guessed it was her conscience's way of punishing her, reminding her of her transgressions. She hadn't deserved the second chance that the Doctor was giving her. Surely, he had reasoned, she wouldn't want to give up on a life of adventure, would she? She wouldn't want to give up exploring? She had agreed with his logic, but his kindness didn't stop her from feeling pangs of guilt and slight awkwardness in front of him. In anything, it made matters worse.

A rebellious tear streaked down her face. Rose rubbed it away impatiently, determined that she wasn't going to start crying. She didn't want to cry, didn't want to give in to her weakness. She hadn't seen him, and was certain that even the Doctor wasn't awake at this time of night.

How wrong she was.

Rose hadn't even heard him coming in. She stirred, hearing the kettle boil from the counter behind her. The Doctor smiled at her in that same slightly shy but confident manner.

"Alright?" He asked. Rose turned back to her tea, and glanced down into her half-empty mug, nodding. "You sure?" He added.

"Doctor, I-" Rose stopped before she could shout at him, biting back her urge to do so. She sighed. "I'm fine, really."

"Don't sound so certain, now," the Doctor teased as he placed his mug down on the table and sat down opposite her. Rose tapped her thumb on the rim of her mug, playing with it, trying to avoid looking directly at him. He was just smiling patiently at her, taking sips of his tea every so often. If he felt awkward, she didn't realise it.

After what felt like forever, Rose broke the silence. "I had a nightmare," she admitted, "about you -- well, the other you -- and Jack."

"Ah," said the Doctor, realising where this was going. "Rose, you know I don't _blame_ you, right?"

"Yeah," Rose replied, nodding. "Yeah, of course. It's just…" she paused and tapped the rim of her mug again.

"It's hard," the Doctor supplied helpfully.

"Yeah. It _is_ hard," Rose said, then looked up at him. "You died because I couldn't save you." When the Doctor rose his eyebrows at her, she added quickly, "in my dream, I mean. You were dangling from a walkway," she continued, more slowly, looking back down at her mug. "I tried to help you, but, my grip sort of slipped, and you fell… and Jack… Jack sort of melted, and then got shot by a Dalek. He was trying to help me…"

"Rose," the Doctor said suddenly. She looked at him. His face was serious, now. "I'm _not_ dead. It's the same old me, even if it's a little bit different."

"I know," Rose replied, her voice wobbling. "I just--"

"You shouldn't," the Doctor interrupted. "You shouldn't feel responsible for something that you couldn't possibly control."

Rose nodded, forgetting to wipe away another stray tear.

The Doctor reached out and gently squeezed her hand after another moment of silence, his features softening. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"So am I," she whispered back.

"Don't be."

Rose knew that he meant it. He smiled at her.

"You look knackered," the Doctor commented, still smiling. "Go get some rest. I'll tidy up."

Now that he mentioned it, Rose had to admit; she did feel rather tired. "You're sure?" She asked as she pushed out her chair.

"Absolutely certain," the Doctor replied. "Go to bed, Rose."

"Mm, okay," she agreed. "Remember to turn the light out. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

**-The End-**


End file.
